Schedule, Letter, Moon

Today I saw the schedule of registration for the first semester of the school year 2010-2011 and I felt a wave of relief, relax and release from all restraint.

I'm not participating in the next enrollment.

I see the light and it is bright. :)

----

I received my invitation letter from Phi Kappa Phi today by email. Although I don't treat it as something of an achievement. It's just that I've let go of the idea long ago when a professor gave me an INC.

The same goes for the Pi Gamma Mu. Simply because I didn't major in any of the Social Sciences. Weird.

----

I love it when the night sky is clear and the moon shines so bright that you can actually see your shadow. It feels surreal or abstract and dreamy.

( )

Ryan Bingham: I thought I was a part of your life.
Alex Goran: I thought we signed up for the same thing... I thought our relationship was perfectly clear. You are an escape. You're a break from our normal lives. You're a parenthesis.
Ryan Bingham: I'm a parenthesis?

Up in the Air (2009)


I'm getting worn out of online networking. Recently, I promised myself to steadily reduce Facebook hours. The signs are good. I lost half a million in Zynga Poker. I religiously follow one less person (which made the count equal to zero). Only FP makes me log-in frequently. As if it's your first baby that keeps you from sleeping. (well, not that I already had a baby)

Intellectual magazines made us realize that very long time ago: that these softwared relationships remove us from the core and freshest juices of life.

But not that I'd want to meet my friends personally most the time instead. What I want is less connection. Less people. Maybe I miss being alone. I want less baggage. Building on the strong relationships and letting go the soft ones.

Let people come. If they are to be closer, let it be. If not, don't make the effort of building on it. Love the closest friends. Mark them as the people who will be company even at fifty. Those who will not be, let go.

Someday, I will be successful on this. On that day, I may realize I'm wrong.

I imagine vintage colors. Grunges on pastel. The lives you revolve with are intimate and profound.

I don't want to be a parenthesis.



**I don't blog here to be profound. I just don't need to be understood.

My Life as a Roller Coaster

and how you, my dear,
enjoyed the rush
of being in it.

The simple things in life.

I long for...

1. Warm, dry pants that just came from hanging under the sun.

2. A natural cool breeze in the middle of the night that makes you tuck your sheets up to your neck.

3. Lying in a long stretch of grass with soft winds rippling them by and by.

4. A nice little talk with friends while dining in an almost deserted branch of McDonalds.

5. Talking with someone over the phone from midnight until the sun rises.

6. Staring at fleeting buildings while sitting inside a spacious car of the MRT.

7. Opening gifts.

8. Head on the shoulder of someone special.

9. The drowning effect of staring at a pool of stars in a clear night sky.

10. Having a crush.

11. Afternoon naps.

12. Receiving a text message from someone you like.

13. New bed sheets.

14. Walking under the shadows of tree leaves.

15. Reading short stories.

16. A very long bus ride.

17. Eating in a place very far from home.

18. Chasing ducks.

19. The rush of emotion while riding in a motorcycle.

20. Licking ice cream in cones.

21. Meeting again a friend you've never seen for a long time.

22. Seeing your penmanship again way back in elementary.

23. Sitting across someone cute inside a jeepney.

24. Watching people.

25. Laying out future plans.

26. Browsing old pictures.

27. Hugs.

I'm happy with what I am right now. But I guess, I could have been happier. I'm very tired of how I'm leading it so far.

Tonight I only have my knees to hug.

I only blog here when I'm sad. That's quite unfair. My happy posts are squeezed to one or two-sentence lines Facebook statuses.

Yes, again, I'm sad. I won't go into details as they're pretty confidential and I'm in the middle of that confidential stuff, I need to finish tonight.

The baseline is that everything I'm doing now is bound to fail. On my very last semester in college, the strong foundations I made for the past years are cracking away. I'm failing myself.

Tonight I only have my knees to hug.

Close to You (Title Unrelated)

The worst holidays.

I have loads of really fuck up reasons why I hate this break.

No internet, most days I'm all alone at home, most days I don't have money even to buy my lunch. I didn't get mingling with some of the people I miss or I didn't even bother make the first contact. My family is unenthusiastic; they even cared for other people, their other friends. I don't get excited for Christmas or New Year.

Everything is just plain boring. I sleep early and wake up late. And in the afternoon I will still sleep. Sometime when my head aches too much of sleeping, I'd go to the rooftop and stare somewhere far. Not thinking, just blank, pouring out the excesses of sleep I just had.

At night, I'd go online on a net cafe to check my mail and tweak everything FP-related (my project in CE) or wait for someone to go online. That someone who won't go online.

The most exciting is pretty imaginary. In my dreams my heart get the fastest beating.

Kiss

I stare at your eyes and gather;
(the lush feeling sweeping my chest,
the disappearing everything else,
but you and me
here)
I close mine and wait:

the soft, yet vapid
on my lips, slightly open.
Yours cupped on my overlip.

The charged air, the sublimed space.

The infinite time, the forever here.

I close mine on yours,
and stay.
The comfort of overwhelmed.
We stay, please.

I push.

The warmth
of your every breath on
my philtrum:
you are with me, now;

I feel my bridge on yours
point it
and rest
on the vast, skin beside.
(carry me)

I run my thumb
on the smooth of your jaw,

the tender and sweet in

them lips
your delicate beauty.

Yes, dear:
I drown myself tonight
in your mouth.
We glow
in our little corner of the dark,
and starless sky.

Your brow loll on my forehead
your eyes gently unshut
looking
beyond the locked lips,
and the caressing chins,
on us.

Because.

My love,
more to tomorrow

and growing surround,

the ephemera of the night:

our lips,
inevitably,
will part.

The Hurt Locker, Moon

The Hurt Locker



Maybe because I'm not American and I don't consider US soldiers in Iraq as heroes. And that I don't want them there yet the last scene portrayed the opposite. Yes, it has the thrilling suspenseful scenes the online people rave about but I have scene better ones (e.g. the opening scene in California Dreamin' == s.h.i.t.). I was expecting something like Blood Diamond, a movie that cared for the people it was based on. For me, The Hurt Locker was too individualistic, focusing too much on the primary character, whoever he is, who played his part really really good. Then it was very apolitical. They said it was a war film so I thought it would be like the appalling and astounding Platoon but it never went close. All in all, the movie was narcissistic and selfish. But it will be nominated for Oscars Best Picture because it's very timely and because the online crowd likes it.

Moon



So far, I'd say the best movie of 2009 I have seen. Compare: The Island, Sunshine, Memento. Sam Rockwell for Oscars Best Actor, for carrying the movie in his back. Yes, Moon is a one-man movie unless you consider the robot as an actor too. The movie was, err, philosophical. It makes you consider your very notions of reality by placing yourself in the shoes of Sam Bell. You'd really feel for him. Share his sadness that ran deep. Because you only shared your identity and everything you remember was not really yours and that you're only less of a human. If the senses were not enough to describe the walls of your reality, then what should be missing? OK, I won't spoil much. Definitely much much better (and even though I haven't watched it) than New Moon. Hahaha. Boo New Moon.

Yna's Debut and the Burning Feet

One of my best weekends ever. Never thought I could still avail a very outlandish unwinding before coming to school, before my very last semester in college.

I won't go over the very details but here goes the core stuff.

Saturday. Yna's debut. Yna is my orgmate in CE. 7AM call time at Mall of Asia. Left at 8:20 (haha), arrived at Kabayan Resort, Laiya, Batangas. I thought it was the one we ate at that one outing with high school friends in Laiya but that was far. I could barely see the rock formation statued near that house we went in that last time. So there was lunch and afternoon sun basking and beach-ing (which was very shallow, around 500 meters from shore before it went chest-deep).

Then there was the banana boat! My last was way back Puerto Galera outing but I can still say that that Puerto banana boat is really the best. I don't know. There was no suspense since you would really know if the driver is planning to capsize us (he would slow down then accelerate and make a very sharp turn, then about five seconds, we'd capsize). And the sea was so calm, no waves that would shake the boat. And the driver won't do swiveling; we only made straight paths and slow and careful U-turns. Corny. Nevertheless, I did it twice! Haha. Though the second one was free as I only had to fill in an extra spot.

The night was really fun! It was just the usual debut, only that we were in the beach wearing beach-y outfits - beach party! There was exotic siomai (haha) and innocent ice cream with turon lanka. And! And! AN OPEN BAR! My eyes were darting towards it longing for the different colored liquids in big jars even while the program's not over yet. Longing since I can't make myself drunk that night because I'd be running the morning after.

Then dance floor (woohoo!) for an hour and two shots of that blue drink and another one with the chocolaty something (ok I know, I failed myself but that was just three!). And so I stuffed myself with ice cream so I won't look for shots anymore. By 11PM, we were on the return trip to Manila.

At around 2AM, we arrived at McKinley Info Center. The whole EA team was still awake, making last minute brush ups before the race. I badly needed to sleep - I will be running and might collapse along the way, haha. I left my bags in their Marketing Office (which I think is actually a storage room/baggage counter hahaha) and slept on one of the sofas of the showroom. Yes! The showroom! Hahahahahaha! My orgmates were doing it and so why couldn't I. And even the guards were sleeping on them and were even watching on the huge flat screen TV.

McKinley could have been really really generous or the staff of the showroom were just really kind to allow the org to use the Info Center practically as our second home. Really!

The race started at around 5:30AM (only 3 hours sleep! plus maybe 2 from the bus). I ran with Erwin at Buduy for the 5k category. Just fun run, no race. The presence of pro runners made it difficult to actually make it to the top 10. Being part of a running event is entirely fulfilling! The flood of sweat didn't felt sticky and icky but healthy and refreshing. I will be looking forward to the next one I could attend!

Even though we were competing with the Pasig Marathon and the org has virtually no background in holding races (we didn't even start with something small like the ones in UP Acad Oval), I could say the event was really successful. There were minimal mishaps except for the occasional berating by pro-runners (very competitive!). The runners were satisfied and even some congratulated the organizing team.

Woooh! Congratulations EA! This is just of the reasons I'm so proud I'm part of CE. Next year, we'll handle international triathlons! Hahaha!

We left the venue around 9:30. Arrived home, very tired, showered then hugged my bed the first time I saw it. Woke up by 6:00. Haha. Longest but I should say the best weekend ever! Love CE! :D

Fleetily Updated

Ok, I missed October. I'll be switching timestamps for this post so I can have an October post. Haha.

So in actuality, it's November. Sembreak fleeted by just like that. Or should I say, October fleeted by. Sheesh, that month was one of the fastest ever. Sometimes I think Earth has moved into a portion of space where gravity or dark matter is really strong and time is acutely bent. That is, time went really fast and we poor earthlings don't notice that because we're in the moving reference frame but still by our instincts, we feel like this is not right and time is really fast.

Or I could accept the other solution. That we are indeed really busy and we simply don't have enough time. And that we wish God slowed Earth's rotation when he did the Creation. It would really be great, having 40 or 72 hours a day. 12 hours of sleep would definitely be legal without sacrificing time for academics or org stuff.

My consciousness is just flowing right now. I'm typing what comes in my head. If anyone would ask me how do I do now, I'd say I'm sad. Though not suicidal sad. That was hours ago, when I learned that I got an INC in CE 197. Yes, an INC. Somewhere along the stretch of October, our prof failed to receive our final paper. My guess. Our group's guess since the whole group is INC. There could be no other reason for this to happen.

When I saw that three caps, cracks run across the walls of my reality like lightning bolts, branching root-like but crackly and brittle. The type of shock even tears won't flow. Like being inside a giant bell, be the clapper, swinging along the bell's walls, the shock of each hit on your body and the deafening shouts each toll makes. It's shaking your every bone, blasting the eardrums. I'm being very imaginative in describing how I felt. Maybe the fluidity of my mind right now arms me of that.

But that subsided already. I'm calmed that I won't lose my standing and my honor is still running. But the idea that Phi Kappa Phi was absorbed by it numbs me a bit. Though I don't really care of honor societies. They're just big fucked ups to group them honorific by name. Like elitists. Or I'm starting to console myself by being really bitter about it. Excrete the idea like poo.

I should be sleeping by now. I had a sudden urge of resting my head on somebody else's shoulder. Bony and uncomfortable yet warm with the lux of hair. I want a girlfriend now. I'm being impulsive. And mad. I want you to be my girlfriend now. My post is shooting in different directions. I want you here by my side. Warm me on my side of the bed.

Too Much Of Adam But Not Yet Too Much

I don't think there is anything deep or artsy or any thought-provoking about this movie but I'm really really very very very excited plainly because it's flat out cute! I've never seen a really good rom-com since Juno and that was more than a year ago!

Found the movie on the list of 2009 Sundance Film Festival awardees (yes, I'm actually poring on them). It took the Alfred P. Sloan Feature Film Prize for scientific something (not the best award around) but it was nominated for the Grand Jury Prize (the one that won, Precious, is really heavily dramatic and talking about Oscars, watch out!). I don't think it's 'critically acclaimed' with the quotes but the trailer just melted my heart. The only thing I know about the movie is the Asperger's thing and what that trailer says. I restrain myself from knowing more. Haha.

I am actually digging Google again for the best torrent around but it's very rare that seeds are only around 2-3 and no comments abound. I have three torrents downloading this movie, two says 'infinite' for ETA and the other one '3 days'. And yes, I plan to wait.

I doubt if what I am downloading right now is just a malware or spyware or whateverware they plug in to video files to crash out your computer but I really don't care. I need to watch this and I'm not helping because I'm watching that effing trailer for like the 7th time now. The maniac is so itchy. It's hard not to peek on comments and reviews but I'm winning it and will continue on it. Noone will shape my mind before watching it except for that cute trailer.

Excited! This laptop will be alive tonight even if I'm not.

Edit: And oh oh. Remember that girl from Sunshine (one of the best sci-fi, I must emphasize) who almost lived up to the end. She's also Brad Pitt's partner in Troy.

New Colors!

Taking the minimalist to the very edge. No more sidebars or bottombars. Stalk me elsewhere.

Love the orange-black combo. Re-launch!

Cashing Out

There is always something wrong with negotiating dreams. There is always wrong with settling for something less when you found out that you failed at the bigger one.

And it will always be sad. Bargaining dreams for the one much less in value. It will always be hard to accept defeat, swallow pride and all things synonymous.

And there isn't always another shot. You lose time every time.

Hard to Translate

I have a bias for romantic movies with huge age gaps. Maybe because it's not normal and you have the truest of it when several things are not norm.

Just watched Lost In Translation an hour ago. I'm not actually sure why I chose to watch this. I haven't even seen the trailer before watching.

Repressed the urge to blog about it to relish. The king of subtlety, that is. Two leading actors, Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson falling in love but not quite that much. You know it can't be and it's clear the two know of it as they were both married.

Something unique. I can't put it into words, I'm actually on a high. Unique in a sense that love is not about a steamy sex scene like most movies show nowadays. Even the kissing was minimal. The director tried to shoo away into a realm where romance can be very light and soft and plain and he was very successful.

At first, I found it boring. Along the way, I played FB poker and checked inbox. Then you'll realize that its growing and you missed it grow because it was so subtle you thought they were just friends and the story is up to something else. And then near the ending it becomes more and more sad until you reached the very last scene where it was painfully gripping. And yet, the lightness is still there. So light yet so sad.

One of the saddest films I have ever watched. Yet sad that doesn't count too much on emotion.

Highly recommended. Another 10/10.

P.S. I like my new colors. Inspired by the colors of a car I've seen in DW-TV but I know I barely matched it. Whatev, this is just a product of few clicks. Not like the previous ones where months took before launch.

Cheesy

Is it the long gap, the days we look on opposite ends.

that I now shy away

can't compose inside

to talk.

That I may have stared too long

away. On the peach horizon, the promise

where you were not

supposedly there.

I am anxious that I have lost the words, the strings, the swivels and profound curves.

I'm not creative now.

My words bore you,

you won't be happy again with me.

I'd like to think you were thinking of me.

Waiting. Longing, possibly

and I was a fool.

drifting,

Can't muster the gravity to pull you back.

Because it will be shame oddity meeting you again

like for the first time.

Please reach for me,

why can't you. Brave me out from my infinite huddle.

Like me like you like me before.

I imagined away too much.

I dread the forever of this,

has it flown away?

My sheer obsession for you, I forgot.

I am anxious:

Is it still love? If I am anxious that I lost my love for you?

Backler, I'm Back!

It's like a breakup. Even though I'm still due having a real one.

It's like a breakup. The one that sprang from lost time and sardined schedules. We say we are too busy and yes, we do not have time. As if time is money and we are poor and we can't function without it, we can't pay time because we do not have it.

But time is just a reason. In a breakup, you don't have time but you do. You haven't lost time but you lost the urge to spend time with... Because time is monetized and we spend it on more important things. Things that are more mature, more practical, more challenging, more reaped profit, more high-impact and less emotional baggage.

But you have time. You think you're being extra extravagant spending it with this and yet you are now being extra extra extravagant losing time losing the experience and the recorded feelings.

I guess it was kind of a breakup, leaving this blog lonely for 5 months. And I'm sorry.

Let's find that lost time and spend it again here. Daadaa!

Fix Me, Combofix

The frequency of posting is really unusual. But I just have to let this out.

For the past weeks, my USB has been affected by a certain virus that keeps on hiding all folders and disabling the option to unhide them in the folder options. I tried scanning it every day on different computers with different antivirus softwares. To no avail, they detected none.

So this morning until now, I was panicking, calling my cousin who's expert on those stuffs and pressuring him on what should I do. It seemed that the only solution would be to format the drive and let everything gone. I have exactly seven folders, one of them is the ChE 140 folder on where I have my ONLY copies of files. I have no backup whatsoever and saying goodbye would be an ultimate doom.

Only now did I thought of google-ing the situation and yes, there are people who had the same problem. I tried three solutions and they all didn't work. Until I came up with this forum wherein someone suggested of downloading a certain program, a risky program called Combofix that will clear all malware, spyware, virus in you computer but still essentially a virus in itself. I don't really understand but some sites don't recommend it as antivirus software like Avast see it as a virus.

Anyway so I downloaded it and it a blue window opened and everything was so creepy. It told me to close all windows and deactivate some applications like antivirus softwares and definition files. It told to write down file directories I don't know existed and made me agree to some things and then I downloaded this file I don't know saying it came from Windows itself.

I don't really understood a thing. All I did was trying to cover what I was doing as my cousin might panic I'm killing the computer. I believed I was doing that - crashing the computer, because the taskbar and all icons gone and only this huge blue window remained open. I was praying while the program does its job, peas of sweat pouring down my temple. It logged these stages, stage 1, stage 2, stage 3 and writing down progress with each stage, things like "deleting blahblah.nbn or closing hjdfhgj.aaw". It was freaky! And then it ended at asking if I could reboot the system. It didn't give me the option though. The computer suddenly rebooted.

And then after that, it was gone. As if everything is normal. I checked the USB drive and my folders were still missing. I lost hope. Then I tried the un-hide feature then TADAAAA the folders showed up! I was literally jumping! Then I saw this new folder called SYSTEM with no files in it and another "Qoobox" with a folder named "Quarantine" and then I opened it and there they were: two virus files successfully removed and quarantined. I didn't dare delete them, they might escape. Hahaha. I don't know now what to do with them, maybe they'll be there forever, jailed. Hahaha. Or maybe I can now reformat now that I can backup those previously hidden folders.

Yeah, I'll be doing that.

WE ARE FOUR YEARS!

The daadaa.blogspot.com is celebrating FOUR years now! 325 posts in 36 months!

Four years of enduring existence. People come and people go and yet we're still here! We started young at high school's sunset and now we're reaching past college's midday. From dotty jologs to strict capitalizations and fluid grammar. From the original daadaa to datdat and back to daadaa. One closure and twice secret posting. Six template skins: three original, three downloaded. High at multiple comments and tags and now low at an average of one view a day. And yes! We are still here!

I'm on momentous high. I love my blog. The only refuge I have when I have no one. The only keeper of secrets saved in drafts. The growth of maturity of a college boy scribbled on its cyber pages. The transition and the evolution.

I love you my daadaa. Way to go! We have more years to write! YES!

Rant-dom

I wish I was at the very least considered even though I wasn't picked. It just feels disappointing when I think I could be endorsed but haven't heard buzz. With slots not completely filled. And I think (modesty aside) I can even do better than those there. They don't know real stories.

I'm being selfish here. And though I'm sure I'd reject if they asked me. Completely blurry.

====

Anyway, I remember I have something to post today. And I completely forgot about it but I'm here so lets get the most of the time. Because, why! Hahahaha. Labo. Because I'm blogging again. And that's good news. Because (because is over-exhausted because!) that means I'm partially free from hard work, from nightly toil and sleepless endless. ChE 140 is partially over, ChE 135 made my week better by canceling a class. Weyweyy.

And hey! I finally attended EEE 1 lecture class yesterday! The last time I was there was the day before the exam (when Sir was absent, whuut) and that was two weeks ago! I completely missed a big chunk of lecture about diodes and Sir was almost done about transistors. I don't understand any farking thing. Like, hello, rewind please! I need tutor. Nonsense class was it, though I didn't sleep it out because Sophia was busy cramming on her Comm 3 paper and I was helping her. Hahaha. And I know, no one understood what he said. He was like, "*sigh* may nakaintindi ba?" So I wasn't completely loser.

AND! I finally attended (again! again!) ChE 123! I was supposedly in the 2:30 class but I have something to do then but I don't wish to miss a lesson so I attended the 4:00 class, same teacher. I loved it. 4PM is so late almost no one attends it even though about 15 students are enlisted - they sit in earlier classes, especially the 2:30 where it's always packed because of sit ins. So there, I attended the 4PM class and there were only 5 of us! I think it was better, the teacher was more focused on her few little darlings. The intimacy of it, I was able to raise questions more frequently even though I understood nothing of it since I was absent for no less than 3 weeks.

So whyyy. My frequent absences were due to my UP Manila trips (once a week was that?) and Biñan, Laguna and OSHA, North EDSA and everywhere else just for ChE 140. Yes, I did them. I may have lost about 700 pesos just for transpo costs not to mention about 200 for photocopies. Though I enjoyed them, maybe better than attending those classes where I'd just sleep and get useless.

I'm almost done 140! You'll finally leave me! I love you!

Old Stuff

Got this from somewhere really old. Won't tell where. Hahaha. I miss things. I feel sad. Haven't thought these things left me already.

====

Mico heaved Mimi up the living junk with her knees brushed against the hot steel flooring of the jeepney. White faces with flushed make-up raised eyebrows as she tried to sit between them. Princess-like, she thought. People gave way for her a seat so huge for the little butt in her.

An XL faded blue shirt with murky dirt marks and holes aplenty fit as clothing for her dainty body. She wore nothing below except for a flowered panty. As she sat, she smiled, revealing her plaque-attacked teeth, causing passengers to wince and look away. She looked the usual beggar begging for a few coins in an overpass.

“Bata! May upuan pa dito oh!”
Mico chose to sit at the estribo with his other hand holding the rail. He, too, is as filthy as Mimi.
“Bayad oh! St. Peter lang.”
“Limang piso lang to. Dalawa pa kayo!”

He remained silent, his dangling feet a few inches from the speeding road. People and stone buildings and tall yellow-orange lamps rushed away; cars follow in slow procession. He breathed air flustered with grey smoke from big buses. Passengers: annoyed not awed. The weight of the city drowns the two children quite innocent of what was happening.

Maybe in a few days, they’ll see Mama. Bulacan shouldn’t be far from here, he thought. Bulacan will hug them and they’ll live the life they once enjoyed – the life in a sense you can still call it life.

“Ate, penge pong barya kahit piso lang po. Di pa po kami kumakain ng araw na to.”
“Mimi, tigilan mo na yan.”
His voiced boomed down the jeepney’s hull. Mimi moved towards the yellow garbage can and assumed look of pity. She tugged a blue school skirt.
“Sige na po. Gutom na gutom na kami.”

But Bulacan was neither in signage nor in people’s words. When he tried to ask, he’ll drown with snobs and flinches. Maybe only Papa knows where Bulacan is. Maybe they should go back to their house of brick in Makatee. Maybe Papa shooed his six feet tall baby already – the baby with thick face powder and big bust. Hansel and Gretel left their house in search for home.

“Ate, akin nalang po yung Coke niyo.”
Mimi’s dinky voice was spindles puncturing Mico every syllable it takes. He felt his chest sag, liquid evolving under his eyelids, his nose itchy and watery. He tried to compose himself but hiccups were devils singing merrily under his bony ribs. Buildings ran way.

“Bata. Ito oh. Tama na siguro ‘tong sampu.”
“Di ko po kailangan niyan.”
At least he had water to take a mini-bath – slightly cleansing away soot from his cheeks. The road tried to reach for his rubber slippers.

“Para! Mimi halika na!”
Mimi crawled towards him.
“Dali! Akyat sa likod ko.”

Mimi hugged his brother’s neck and felt her feet leave the ground. They strolled down the sidewalk viewing the new scenario which will present them their new sleeping place for the night.

“Ang bigat mo na.”
“Kuya, sakit ng tiyan ko.”
“Gutom lang yan.”
“Laki kasi ng tiyan ko eh! Di ako nabubusog. Hi-hi!”

Mimi’s lump down her abdomen swelled more than last month. Nights will never be complete without her constant ailing down her pelvis yet Mico insists on an empty stomach. She pees with blood but Mico covers her eyes shut. “May demonyo ang ihi,” he says.

They tried to cross the avenue in front of them. They dodged every speeding metal. Halfway down,
“Ang bigat mo na talaga. Baba ka muna. ‘Di na kita kayang dalhin.”
“Kuya…”
Mimi tugged on his brother’s hand.
“Ang saya dito sa gitna noh?”
“Kuya, daming kotse.”

He removed his hand from Mimi’s reach.
“Di mo na ako kailangan. Aalagaan ka na niya. Tsaka mahirap sa mundo. Laging may pahirap. Gusto mo pa ba?”
“Kuya…”

Mico rushed away not wanting to hear anything though her sister’s pleads of Kuya clearly slashes through him. Mico ran and ran until he was quite far. Mico reached the other end yet he didn’t look back and still ran and ran even though his legs won’t carry. Mico ran away.

He’ll search for his Mama with the dying hope he tries to ignite more. He’ll search with his now liquid eyes and evil hiccups. He’ll search and not try to go back anywhere nearer his Papa. He’ll search enduring the hardships world throws at him. He’ll search without having backaches. He’ll search alone.

Mico ran yet he still heard women’s shrieks.