Masakit Sa Dibdib

"Waa, yung grade ko mas bata pa kaysa sa akin."
"Ay at least yung akin pwede naman nang ikasal."
"Paano na kaya ako eh nasa kinder pa lang yung akin.."

The ES 12 second long exam results came with a major blow. I thought the faculty has already seen their wickedness and repented. Once my professor said they made this sem's syllabus a lot easier from before after Chancellor Cao himself went berserk (wahahaha) after seeing passing rates (10% passing rate was normal) of previous batches who took up ES 12.

I don't know. The scores range from 3% to 75% with some reaching as far as 98% (Argggghh!!!!) but they are a huge number of standard deviations from the mean. In our class, only six people (out of 35-40 I think) passed. And that is a major achievement (as our prof said, "Congratulations!") for us since others have only two or three.

A score of 8% isn't in any way normal (but it isn't far from average!). Add to that that the mean only circles around 20 to 30%.

The prof-to-blame is someone from ME Dept. His exam question comprised of half of the total points. When he sees that the final answer is wrong, you get plain ZERO. He'll point out where you went wrong but will never give any point for the blood you lost. The other professor is less harsh: he gives 1 point instead of zero.

I learned from my previous ES subjects that you could get the highest spirits after the exam but be lonelier than deep space when you see the result. Because a simple carelessness can mean death. I went haywire when my ES 11 prof canceled 40 points out of 100 because of sheer calculator error (for God's sake, your only bestfriend in the exam can still betray you). But this prof, he gives nothing.

And also, I long learned that the ES Court of Appeals rarely give justice. They won't sincerely look at your paper and will blurt out extra-terrestrial reasons why you are still wrong. Because they are the epitome of perfectness.

Anyway, I passed (pagsamasamang-pucha-ng-kalawakan, nakapasa ka naman pala eh!!!). But I'm hanging at 60 - barely. But still, I share with the sentiments of those people who weren't paid right for the callus of the fingers, for the liters of viscous blood and for all the electric dysfunctions our brain neurons felt. I got zero for that part too - and out of carelessness. One minuscule term which killed the body just like AIDS. (At least sa AIDS, nagenjoy ka naman siguro muna bago ka namatay eh dito hindi eh.)

I'm not mad. I'm still going for the Court of Appeals. It's just that I feel sorry for myself and that I'm not seeing any light beyond that appealing. Isa akong repormista na nawalan na ng pag-asa sa kakitiran ng utak (uy, foul yun ah) ng mga namamahala.

Actually, while on the jeep bound home, I thought of possible ways:

"Sir patay na po ang tatay namin at ang nanay namin eh nakaburol ngayon. Ako nalang po ang inaasahan ng labindalawa ko pang kapatid.."

"Sir, I don't beg mercy. All I want is impartial justice. Paano tayo magkakaroon ng pantay na justice system dito sa bansa kung sa classroom palang eh ganyan na tayo! Dapat ang pagbabago ay simulan sa ating mga sarili!"

"May sex video ako ninyo ni Aling Tessie na naglilinis ng kubeta sa third floor. Kung di mo ako dadagdagan ng 40 - ay hindi, 70 points, ilalabas ko to sa media."

Or papasabugin ko nalang ang College of Engineering para matapos na ang lahat.