I am.

i've still let the choking problem hovering there above me. i've let it prepare for its next blow and after that let it again. let them not let their minds shoo those flies away.

guilt comes pricking my mind every second. i should have told. i should have let them know what i want. yet the cloud of fear is so intense i couldn't see what lies beyond.

things will still be the same but i will try not to. i will stage my personal revolution to say no.
1. i hate those overnights. it's my fault i haven't told anyone of this (except carlo but he seem don't care anyway). i hate the mere idea of sleeping with mere girls. it gives me a mere skin rash. it's itchy. i mean, figuratively itchy. i hate the feeling of being an outcast yet i'm not for you're my inner core. you are the ones who know me the most yet you just couldn't dig out the aura of me not liking it. i should have said. i'm sorry.
2. i hate carrying the load of a gentleman. i hate being the one running little errands. but i should. i hate carrying your little paper bags. but i should. i am man. and if i won't, i'll broke your heart and heat will come flowing into your brains. and i hate that too. it always seem like i'll have burns because of those heat. you don't know how i value your temper. but as before, i should have said. i should have learned to practice saying no. i'm sorry.
3. i hate you because of me. i hate my constant ok with the offense. i get angry but i take a bath everyday. i let cold - and sometimes, shivering - water flow through my hair down my spine up to my rough soles. i buy rolls of patience and wipe them out. but i shouldn't have. i should have showed that i can be angry. so that you can have something to care not to drop. i'm sorry.

maybe i'm just hypersensitive with the topic.

maybe it won't make friends with logic's company but little zeus can never stay long with venuses. there are some things you can't easily blend.

i want me valued. i want me cared. but i know that you value me. but i know that you care for me. but still.. it was like there's a diamond, but there's a chalk. it was just not fair. like i'm there just to complete the octet. and if i'm gone, of course there will be change, but the compounds do dwell in water and they are more pleasing when they are what you call ions. i'm there for company. but as a mere ornamental.

AND I'M NOT LIKE THIS BECAUSE OF AN HOUR OF WAIT.



why does she have a heart made of the purest glass and i have cotton for mine. so soft.