Fleetily Updated

Ok, I missed October. I'll be switching timestamps for this post so I can have an October post. Haha.

So in actuality, it's November. Sembreak fleeted by just like that. Or should I say, October fleeted by. Sheesh, that month was one of the fastest ever. Sometimes I think Earth has moved into a portion of space where gravity or dark matter is really strong and time is acutely bent. That is, time went really fast and we poor earthlings don't notice that because we're in the moving reference frame but still by our instincts, we feel like this is not right and time is really fast.

Or I could accept the other solution. That we are indeed really busy and we simply don't have enough time. And that we wish God slowed Earth's rotation when he did the Creation. It would really be great, having 40 or 72 hours a day. 12 hours of sleep would definitely be legal without sacrificing time for academics or org stuff.

My consciousness is just flowing right now. I'm typing what comes in my head. If anyone would ask me how do I do now, I'd say I'm sad. Though not suicidal sad. That was hours ago, when I learned that I got an INC in CE 197. Yes, an INC. Somewhere along the stretch of October, our prof failed to receive our final paper. My guess. Our group's guess since the whole group is INC. There could be no other reason for this to happen.

When I saw that three caps, cracks run across the walls of my reality like lightning bolts, branching root-like but crackly and brittle. The type of shock even tears won't flow. Like being inside a giant bell, be the clapper, swinging along the bell's walls, the shock of each hit on your body and the deafening shouts each toll makes. It's shaking your every bone, blasting the eardrums. I'm being very imaginative in describing how I felt. Maybe the fluidity of my mind right now arms me of that.

But that subsided already. I'm calmed that I won't lose my standing and my honor is still running. But the idea that Phi Kappa Phi was absorbed by it numbs me a bit. Though I don't really care of honor societies. They're just big fucked ups to group them honorific by name. Like elitists. Or I'm starting to console myself by being really bitter about it. Excrete the idea like poo.

I should be sleeping by now. I had a sudden urge of resting my head on somebody else's shoulder. Bony and uncomfortable yet warm with the lux of hair. I want a girlfriend now. I'm being impulsive. And mad. I want you to be my girlfriend now. My post is shooting in different directions. I want you here by my side. Warm me on my side of the bed.

Too Much Of Adam But Not Yet Too Much

I don't think there is anything deep or artsy or any thought-provoking about this movie but I'm really really very very very excited plainly because it's flat out cute! I've never seen a really good rom-com since Juno and that was more than a year ago!

Found the movie on the list of 2009 Sundance Film Festival awardees (yes, I'm actually poring on them). It took the Alfred P. Sloan Feature Film Prize for scientific something (not the best award around) but it was nominated for the Grand Jury Prize (the one that won, Precious, is really heavily dramatic and talking about Oscars, watch out!). I don't think it's 'critically acclaimed' with the quotes but the trailer just melted my heart. The only thing I know about the movie is the Asperger's thing and what that trailer says. I restrain myself from knowing more. Haha.

I am actually digging Google again for the best torrent around but it's very rare that seeds are only around 2-3 and no comments abound. I have three torrents downloading this movie, two says 'infinite' for ETA and the other one '3 days'. And yes, I plan to wait.

I doubt if what I am downloading right now is just a malware or spyware or whateverware they plug in to video files to crash out your computer but I really don't care. I need to watch this and I'm not helping because I'm watching that effing trailer for like the 7th time now. The maniac is so itchy. It's hard not to peek on comments and reviews but I'm winning it and will continue on it. Noone will shape my mind before watching it except for that cute trailer.

Excited! This laptop will be alive tonight even if I'm not.

Edit: And oh oh. Remember that girl from Sunshine (one of the best sci-fi, I must emphasize) who almost lived up to the end. She's also Brad Pitt's partner in Troy.

New Colors!

Taking the minimalist to the very edge. No more sidebars or bottombars. Stalk me elsewhere.

Love the orange-black combo. Re-launch!

Cashing Out

There is always something wrong with negotiating dreams. There is always wrong with settling for something less when you found out that you failed at the bigger one.

And it will always be sad. Bargaining dreams for the one much less in value. It will always be hard to accept defeat, swallow pride and all things synonymous.

And there isn't always another shot. You lose time every time.

Hard to Translate

I have a bias for romantic movies with huge age gaps. Maybe because it's not normal and you have the truest of it when several things are not norm.

Just watched Lost In Translation an hour ago. I'm not actually sure why I chose to watch this. I haven't even seen the trailer before watching.

Repressed the urge to blog about it to relish. The king of subtlety, that is. Two leading actors, Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson falling in love but not quite that much. You know it can't be and it's clear the two know of it as they were both married.

Something unique. I can't put it into words, I'm actually on a high. Unique in a sense that love is not about a steamy sex scene like most movies show nowadays. Even the kissing was minimal. The director tried to shoo away into a realm where romance can be very light and soft and plain and he was very successful.

At first, I found it boring. Along the way, I played FB poker and checked inbox. Then you'll realize that its growing and you missed it grow because it was so subtle you thought they were just friends and the story is up to something else. And then near the ending it becomes more and more sad until you reached the very last scene where it was painfully gripping. And yet, the lightness is still there. So light yet so sad.

One of the saddest films I have ever watched. Yet sad that doesn't count too much on emotion.

Highly recommended. Another 10/10.

P.S. I like my new colors. Inspired by the colors of a car I've seen in DW-TV but I know I barely matched it. Whatev, this is just a product of few clicks. Not like the previous ones where months took before launch.

Cheesy

Is it the long gap, the days we look on opposite ends.

that I now shy away

can't compose inside

to talk.

That I may have stared too long

away. On the peach horizon, the promise

where you were not

supposedly there.

I am anxious that I have lost the words, the strings, the swivels and profound curves.

I'm not creative now.

My words bore you,

you won't be happy again with me.

I'd like to think you were thinking of me.

Waiting. Longing, possibly

and I was a fool.

drifting,

Can't muster the gravity to pull you back.

Because it will be shame oddity meeting you again

like for the first time.

Please reach for me,

why can't you. Brave me out from my infinite huddle.

Like me like you like me before.

I imagined away too much.

I dread the forever of this,

has it flown away?

My sheer obsession for you, I forgot.

I am anxious:

Is it still love? If I am anxious that I lost my love for you?

Backler, I'm Back!

It's like a breakup. Even though I'm still due having a real one.

It's like a breakup. The one that sprang from lost time and sardined schedules. We say we are too busy and yes, we do not have time. As if time is money and we are poor and we can't function without it, we can't pay time because we do not have it.

But time is just a reason. In a breakup, you don't have time but you do. You haven't lost time but you lost the urge to spend time with... Because time is monetized and we spend it on more important things. Things that are more mature, more practical, more challenging, more reaped profit, more high-impact and less emotional baggage.

But you have time. You think you're being extra extravagant spending it with this and yet you are now being extra extra extravagant losing time losing the experience and the recorded feelings.

I guess it was kind of a breakup, leaving this blog lonely for 5 months. And I'm sorry.

Let's find that lost time and spend it again here. Daadaa!